Photography from the Rapha Womenswear range
So you like cycling. That’s cool. What’s your job? I’ve seen you riding to work a few times in the morning, or at least the days when it’s not raining. I pass you on the way into town – I think you’re headed towards Soho. You’ve probably noticed me too, right? I’m guessing you do something creative because you obviously start at half nine, or around ten – probably in a studio or someplace cool where you work on Macs with large monitors and all the guys have beards and wear skinny jeans. I’m not saying you’re a hipster – you ride a Colnago for Chrissakes! – but maybe you keep a fixie at home and you ride that the days I don’t pass you on High Street Ken? Of course I wouldn’t know that sort of stuff ‘cos it’s not like I’ve been following you or anything (although I’ve maybe considered it).
Was that guy your boyfriend? The one I saw you riding with a few times back in the summer? He kept waiting for you at the traffic lights and rode around you like some patronising prick as if you don’t know how to ride a bike. Maybe he’s just a work colleague you bumped into on the way into town, or maybe just some guy you know? But I haven’t seen you with him for a while. Maybe you dumped him? He rode some crappy Trek anyhow, and he wore those dorky jerseys like the ones you get from Evans in the sale.
Are you on Strava, or Garmin Connect? I noticed you have a Garmin so I bet you probably are. Maybe I could check out what riding you’ve been doing? I wonder how quick you go up Box Hill. You could check out my rides too, though my times are pretty slow this time of year. Just doing base miles over winter – obviously I’d be going much faster in the summer.
Are they Oakley glasses? They’re cool. In fact you have some nice cycling kit, and I notice you wear a lot of Rapha. Their stuff looks particularly good on girls, but you don’t see much of it around. Everyone seems to think it’s mandatory to wear those naff sweaty hi-viz jackets like it’s the law or something. So unflattering. I guess you get hit on by a lot by guys riding to work – you look totally hot in lycra.
Do you race? I’m only asking because I think you’d be pretty good. Sometimes I get out of breath catching up with you, then have to rest a bit before overtaking. I’m not saying I have a hard time getting past you or anything, but then again I’m a pretty good racer myself and it’s only natural that I’d be quicker than you. What I mean is you’re pretty quick for a girl and that. You should give racing a go if you don’t already. I could give you some coaching tips, write you a training plan or something?
Are you sure you haven’t noticed me? I passed you once whilst drafting a moped, must have been going 45kph at least. I didn’t look, and you didn’t say anything, but I could tell you were impressed. Ok, I don’t wear Rapha everyday, and sometimes some of my kit doesn’t match (I got rid of those crusty old cycling shoes by the way, and my new Mavic ones are white and really smart). I write this really cool cycling blog too, you might have seen it? I guess you’ve probably been plucking up the courage to speak to me too. Next time I’ll wave or something, maybe even compliment your Colnago at the traffic lights. So, yeah, I might see you Monday morning – if it’s not raining.
(Update – read her response here.)