The turbo trainer
The turbo trainer was originally a rudimentary torture device dating from the Middle Ages. Historians believe it was used by Flemish sheriffs to punish misbehaving townsfolk, and was a popular alternative to flogging.
Early turbo trainers are quite clearly visible in the background of some of Bruegel’s lesser known paintings (see above).
At some point after the invention of the bicycle, the two contraptions of physical discomfort were combined and thence was born what we know today as the turbo (or ‘home’) trainer. Its form has changed subtly over the years and the mechanics refined over time, but the general principle has remained the same – a bicycle is locked into the frame with the back wheel pressed against a roller that applies resistance. The effect of this is a soul-destroying dissolution of the will to live within the participating cyclist.
Older models produced constant but uneven noises – a heavy whirring noise, peppered with clicks, creaks and squeaks. It’s not easy focusing on those intervals when you can’t even hear yourself count down the seconds.
More recent designs have become more devious however, operating almost in complete silence. Instead of the consolatory whirring produced by intense effort, now that intense effort produces… nothing at all.
And herein lies the rub. Sitting on a turbo trainer draws into relief the idea that cycling itself is a fruitless, purposeless pursuit. When going for a training ride you don’t actually travel anywhere in effect – you start at home, do a big loop, and then arrive at your destination, which is back home again. All that effort to go in a circle? You may as well have sat at home all along!
Turbo training is just a lesson in futility – pointing out that you spend your time cycling in circles, that professional teams are never going to be knocking at your door, and all your friends and work colleagues think you’re weird.
Needless to say, these are all things I hardly need to be reminded of.
6 Comments
Martin Anscombe
January 13, 2010Genius Damien! Cycling around in circles whilst waiting (or not>!?!) for that call from the pro team. Excellent.
Keep on ruminating……
M
Jamie W
January 13, 2010Very good. Keep up the good work!
James
January 13, 2010A turbo trainer involves almost everything that cycling is not. There’s no wind in your hair, no fresh air. No feeling of speed, no wheel to follow. No countryside, no nature. No sense of travel or distance covered. It’s a means to an end fitness-wise but I can’t stand it.
Cold outside? Suffer at home instead « IN THE SADDLE
February 15, 2010[...] becoming a rarity, it looks like we’re going to have to bury our simmering resentment of the dreaded turbo trainer, and get in some quality cycling time within the comfort of the living room/spare [...]
+ Spares… « IN THE SADDLE
October 29, 2010[...] getting to that time of year again when that contraption of pain, the turbo trainer, is dusted off and long hard training sessions of cycling nowhere begins. I’ve mentioned them [...]
Out of the Saddle… David McQuillen, the Sufferfest « IN THE SADDLE
January 20, 2011[...] Turbo training is like penance for the racing cyclist, paying the price of boredom and tedium during the winter in order to be fighting fit when the summer season comes around. Fortunately for us David McQuillen – fed up with staring at the wall or listening to some hyped up fitness instructor – began creating the Sufferfest workout videos when training for an epic ride across Tibet and Nepal. Combining real race footage with a motivational soundtrack, it’s the best – if not the most painful – way to get through those winter turbo hours… [...]